We could head for the hills, like this rally from years gone by in Switzerland.
How about on top of Glastonbury Tor? I was camers shy there at 7 minutes past 7 o’clock on the 7th of the 7th of 77 
I’ll be arriving on Thunderbird 5, my 87 T5 Red with a massive barn door White fairing. Panniers full with Red wine, and Ale with a little food to cook on me paraffin Primus stove, nothing like the taste of paraffin on a burnt lump of meat, the wine takes the taste away…
Worst ‘Getting to a Rally’ yarn…?
Me and the wife on Thunderbird 5, thought about a couple of weeks touring Scotland, the time was set and off we went. Going up a motorway somewhere, the Landrover in front was fully loaded with kids, and one of them bicycle carriers. The undulations in the road, saw the lot fly off the car and in a shower of sparks, head straight for us. Had to do some evasive riding but got through it safe, then along the lane near the rally I’d found in the Club’s magazine, the road was blocked with a helicopter, someone had a massive crash and that was collecting the injured. Waited there for a couple of hours, to finally arrive at the site, with only two tents there… 
Met up with some wonderful Scottish club members, but being old and frail, I can’t remember their names. Anyway they made us welcome and off to the pub we all went, during the night, and after the local wildlife in the form of them midges they have, had had their feast of me beer soaked body. A hurricane came in, high winds and heavy rain, we tried to sit it out but the wife had other ideas. So down with the canvas hovel, and try to fire up the bike, course that had other ideas…! Took most of the day to get it to run, due to me being GORMLESS and the thing being full of water…
Once it was running we headed to the local hotel to sit the storm out, and have a good night’s kip. Next morning the news about the storm was bad, looked to be country wide, so we headed South, got to Yorkshire and found a pub with a room, another night holed up. Next morning we gave up and headed straight home…
Tired and weary once home I chucked the bike fully freighted, into the fettling shed, and called up a take-a-way and relaxed…
Next morning I went out to the garage to see sparks and smoke pumping out of the T5, all that water from the rain had caused a short somewhere, and the loom was burning, with a garage full of old BSA’s and leaking petrol tanks, it was a panic to get it sorted…
But sorted it is, and that very machine is now Rally ready and has about 30,000 miles on the clock since all the excitement…
Oh dear, is the Rally still on - or am I too late - I did manage to turn up for the Wolds Run from East Kirby a few years ago, asked the guy on the gate where all the bikes were & he said ’ You should have been here yesterday…!’. Taking pity on me he let me in to the airfield for free!
So if it’s still on I’ll come on my Red 1200 Sport because I’ve not had it for long, it keeps teasing me in the garage & needs a run.
Worst trip to a rally:
My first NOC International Rally at Colmbres in Spain in 2010, driving down from Newark on Nellie (my Mk 3 Commando) the ignition warning light came on when I was crossing the Queen Elizabeth Bridge on the M25. I’d planned to stay at my parents house close to Littlehampton before catching the Portsmouth/Santander ferry the next day. A check with the multimeter confirmed that the alternator was not working, so I recharged the battery & headed off on the basis that it was only 40 miles to the ferry, the Rally site was only 50 miles from Santander & someone on the organisation side was bound to have a battery charger. I had a great time on the ferry, met lots of people & drank a few pints.
Rolling off the ferry there were a lot of bikes (BM’s & the like) & a good 30 odd Nortons of various types, we were held for what seemed like ages by Passport control & it was extremely hot, at one point I switched off my engine, then, when it was time to move, kicked, & kicked, & kicked until I couldn’t see, the world was turning dark & i thought I was going to die of heatstroke - then the guy next to me pointed out that my kill switch was in the wrong position (Doh!).
After having my passport checked, I checked my kill switch, started her up & she was running on just the offside cylinder, I faffed around, spark yes, fuel, yes, then everybody was ready to leave in convoy, so I tagged on the end, managed to keep up through Santander but got left behind on the main road. I was just ahead of an big rig, I could leave him on the downslopes, but on the upslopes he got closer & closer, he’d pull out to overtake & then we crested the rise & I lost him again (repeat for 20 miles or so). Arriving at the campsite it was put up tent, beer, food & bed. The next day, it was tank on & off switching plugs, leads, coils, lots of advice from fellow rally goers, so electrical issues exhausted it was onto the carbs - that was the problem, the throttle cable to the nearside carb had pulled through the plastic block in the splitter box, only the offslide slide was rising; by this time it was late afternoon, so battery on charge, beer food, tent. Next morning ready for the ride out, started Nellie & yep, back to one cylinder, so off with the tank ( not a 5 minute job) & I took off the chokes & used that splitter block for the slides, put the chokes in a bag (& they’re still there), then Nellie pulled a sulk & wouldn’t start until lunch time! I didn’t get out of the campsite 'til 1pm & from then on she was fine! I made the ride out for the 3rd (& last day). I decided not to attempt my return journey home (via Amsterdam) & bought a ticket back from Santander; on arrival headed to my parents house where my dad & I pulled the primary & spent a couple of days chasing down & fitting a new stator before returning to Newark.
The upside was that I met a whole lot of very nice people & have only missed one rally since then (due to a forced house move!)
Mike
1200 Sport
Mk 3 ES Commando
Well I was just about to cancel this Rally and send everybody in ‘Lockdown’ (award prizes for the winners) 
, but I guess I let it run for another week.
So we now turn to worst ride back home! I think I can win this one:
We combined the trip to mother-in laws birthday party in Germany with the German Rally in Pfalzfeld and a round trip all the way down to the Black Forrest to show our 24 year old son some parts of his native land. (It started bad with him not making the rendezvous point and us carrying on to the Channel Tunnel port, where he arrived at the last minute for the delayed train. On the French side (all of us low on petrol), we couldnt find a filling station, eventually we did (the son by then on just fumes), and that’s when they stole his purse from the top of the petrol pump whilst he was filling up. So from now on Dad had to pay for his two week trip . 1st night stop: the town centre was closed to a fair and after circling around it for 3 times (Tomtom, Garmin and desperation) Peter decided the only way to reach the campsite on the other side of town was to ride straight through the fair. 2nd night stop: Roger rings to tell me that I had sent him an outdated mailing list for Gambalunga, so the mag will be 2 weeks late. Then all runs smoothly for 2 weeks apart from my bike getting a bit gutless (it later turned out that a seal had blown in the downpipe). For the return we split up, the son wants to go via the channel back to Wales and us Northsea Ferries to Hull. It rains. about half way Peter’s Cali (also called Nellie) won’t start after a tankstop, his solution is for me to pushstart him (wet and in full raingear feeling & looking like a Michelin Woman), I can’t run like that, so raingear + bike jacket of and give it all I have and she starts, keep her running man whilst I get dressed!! On we limp not daring to switch her off again during the next refuel, going slow hoping we won’t need to switch her off at the port in Rotterdam when we arrive when they are already loading, having heard that Ferries don’t tend to take bikes that are not running. But we are too early for loading and need to switch her of. I already assess the other bikers as to which one looks nice and fit to help pushstart, but she starts, hooray! On the Ferry, after dumping our stuff we head for the bar for a well earned drink, that’s when I get a text from the son! “Just in case you get a call from Nana, I’m fine”. What …???
He had a head on collision 5 mins after us parting, sverving to the engl side of the road to avoid an oncoming car in Germany, who went to the same side! He was fine, just a sore bum from landing on his bottom after sommersaulting over the car, all that trampolining must have paid of!
Hi Uki, am I too late to enter the rally? Having never attended a rally I cannot offer a story of disaster either going to or returning from such events. However i will attend on my 1958 73cc Cardellino. I hope everyone will be on site for the next month or so as I think it will take me at least that amount of time to get there from Pretoria. Unless of course the rally is being held in the Southern hemisphere! (now that would be a first for the Club). I wouldn’t be the first to travel the length of the African continent on a Moto Guzzi two stroke as an intrepid traveler did it in the early 70’s (I think) on a Dingo Cross. (Question: “what makes a Dingo cross?” Answer “Moto Guzzi”!). I can only hope the petrol stations are not locked down as even at 3 litres per 100Km I ma going to need about 400 litres!
See you there!
Phil
Hi Phil,
no not too late, never too late to come to ones 1st Rally 
.
There are lot of aspects to a Rally, obviously the rides there and back, mishaps pitching the tent, I believe someone once brought the poles from one tent and the skin of another! Eating and drinking and telling stories (bike related and others), fixing bikes (always a crowd pleaser), music, games and much more.
I will suggest a rally down your end to Andrew our Socialsec, you never know!
Stay safe Uki
PS. I like your Dingo joke, I will have to use it somewhere
Struggling to think of worst trip to a rally but probably 2013 to the V-Twin (Fordingbridge) is up there – very hot weather, August bank holiday traffic and my oil light keeps coming on every time I stop for any reason … also having to get creative to avoid the jams on the main roads. But meant I saw some interesting places I wouldn’t have otherwise.
Worst return from a rally, would be 1981 thereabouts, return from FIM in Switzerland with a mate on a V50, I was on a Meriden Triumph 750 T140E, it had the latest electric starter on it, woo-hoo, only trouble with that was, also with a Polaris fairing on it it starved the righthand side of the block of cooling airflow. Managed to get away with it for the duration of the trip, until I noticed the block was riding up, oil was coming out around the bottom. Prior to this I had foolishly tried to be clever and “upgraded” the pistons to Norman Hyde high comp ones. Not much difference in forward urge, but did get me 70 mpg tho.
Coming back trying to make the ferry at Zeebrugge on time (prebooked), this was when I properly noticed the block was loose and oil escaping. I tightened it down at the side of the road (quick simple ring spanner job, the nuts are around the bottom of the block) then with the comp ratio being restored it promptly (or pretty much so) holed the piston on the RH side (the inadequately cooled side). We found somewhere I could buy maybe 3 litres of oil, so then we were making it to the ferry terminal in stages, where I had to refill the oil tank at each stop. Amazingly after docking at Dover the bike started first time on the button, then all it needed to do was to get itself onto dry land, so that the RAC could be called. Epic, sort of.
PS: post piston failure, my mate who was following had to contend with a constant fog of blue oil smoke, of course.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
That would take me a week at least to clean your bikes, and then you would not recognise them, or worse still some one might steal them
that Patina has taken ages to accrue
( ps he is still above ground I rang him yesterday and he was cooking )
Good to hear, he really should get himself a computer! Maybe it’s the ladies in the library? 