Well if you must eat fast food.
In france, where they are civilised, you pay more for horsemeat.
Or at least you used to.
I know I have eaten horse and dog, frogs and snails.
what is the difference between that and a nice piece of deer.
Missed the point again,its not funny
URGENT WARNING
The Government have issued a warning due to the cold weather. They suggest that anyone traveling in the icy conditions should make sure to have the following: > Shovel > Blankets or Sleeping Bag > Extra clothing including Hat and Gloves > 24 hours of Food > De-Icer > Rock Salt > Tyre Chains > Torch or Lantern with Spare Batteries > Road Flares or Reflective Triangles > Gallon of Petrol > First Aid Kit > Jump Leads I looked a right twat on the bus this morning !!!
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I donââŹâ˘t know about the Tesco
burgers but last night I had Tesco meatballs and those were the dogââŹâ˘s bullox!
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âŚTwo Bluebottles on a sewerage farm.The one buzzes the otherâŚIâve had enough of this shit iâm going on the Piss
Before someone tells me, I donât care whether this is true or not 
I laughed & thatâs true enough for me. Filched from Facebook:
It happened at a New York Airport. This is hilarious. I
wish I had the guts of this girl. An award should go to the United
Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while
making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably
deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there who have had to
deal with an irate customer, this one is for you.
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A
single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, âI HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.â
The agent replied, âIâm sorry, sir. Iâll be happy to try
to help you, but Iâve got to help these folks first; and then Iâm
sure weâll be able to work something out.â
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that
the passengers behind him could hear, âDO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?â
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her
public address microphone. âMay I have your attention, please?â, she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. âWe have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14â.
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically,
the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, âF*** You!â
Without flinching, she smiled and said, âIâm sorry sir,
youâll have to get in line for that, too.â
Iâve just joined a site after seeing a pop up saying âMeet Lots Of Women In Your Area For Sex Tonightâ The next stage of the application said âPlease Choose: 18-25, 26-33, 34-42, 43-49, Over 50â
Iâve gone for 43-49 women. Over 50 is just being greedy.
You are always told to âWear something bright at nightâ on the TV and magazines.
Last night, when I went to the shop, I wore a white hat, white coat and white trousers. I got hit by a flipping snowplough.
Only in IndiaâŚ
[QUOTE=Mike H]
Only in IndiaâŚĂ Ă Ă Ă [/QUOTE]
Love it
Only in Taiwan
Adam was hanging around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, âWhatâs wrong with you?â
Adam said he didnât have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.
He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you.
And will always be the first to admit she was wrong when youâve had a disagreement, she will praise you!
She will bear your children.
And never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
âShe will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.â
Adam asked God, âWhat will a woman like this cost?â
God replied, âAn arm and a leg.â
Then Adam asked, âWhat can I get for a rib?â
The pope has just anounced he intends to retire this month.
Typical Catholic, pulling out before finishing.
A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, âAh, I see youâve regained consciousness.
Now you probably wonât remember, but you were in a huge pile-up
on the M6. Youâre going to be OK - youâll walk again and everything,
but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldnât find it.â
The man groans, but the doctor goes on, âYou have ĂÂŁ9000 in insurance
compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.
They work great, but they donât come cheap. Itâs roughly ĂÂŁ1000 an inch.â
The man perks up. âSo,â the doctor says, âYou must decide how many
inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over
30 years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you
had a 5-incher before and get a 9-incher now, she might be a bit put out.
If you had a 9-incher before and you decide to only invest in a 5-incher
now, she might be disappointed. Itâs important that she plays a role in
helping you make a decision.â The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day and asks,
âSo, have you spoken with your wife?â
âYes I have,â says the man.
âAnd has she helped you make a decision?â
âYes,â says the man.
âSo what is your decision?â asks the doctor.
"Weâre getting a fcuking new granite kitchen worktops and a dishwasher
Another take on the same:-A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, âAh, I see youâve regained consciousness.
Now you probably wonât remember, but you were in a huge pile-up
on the M6. Youâre going to be OK - youâll walk again and everything,
but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldnât find it.â
We have replacements available in the drawers over here.Top drawer for long ones, middle drawer for fat ones and the the bottom drawer for long fat ones.What do you think you would like?His reply, I do like the bottom drawer range, but do they come in any colour other than black?
Patient: can I shower with diarrhea?
Doctor: Do you have enough?
The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears, she is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesnât mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, âOh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?â She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips and he responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds,and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each others clothes and make hot, steamy love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, âWell, how was it?â The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:
ââŹĹHelp yourself to any prize from the middle shelf"
On a bitterly cold winters morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, âWe are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through.â
So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week or so later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, âWe are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through.â
The good wife went out and moved her car again.
A few days later they were again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, âWe are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must parkâŚâ Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, âI donât know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowploughs can get through?â
Then with the love and understanding that all long-married husbands possess, he replied, âWhy donât you just leave the fecking car in the garage this time?â
Donât forget comic relief this year. Just ĂÂŁ5 can help a disabled African learn the difference between an intruder and a girlfriend⌠Bikeralw2013-02-26 09:38:59